Okay, who gave this asshat the password?

It was me. I did. I mean, I have it now, obviously, but I shant reveal my source. Is that a proper use of shant? I digress. I am Brent, the drummer and generaly late annoyance to Things to Ruin, and one of the four O.G. members. The others being Jason, Badia, and Pettry. Crazy, right? We've come a long way since those dark days in the summer of 2006. Holed up in our aunt's basement, sleeping on those foam bed pads. We barely had enough money to buy new laces for our chucks. Soon after Joe lost his job at the dry cleaners and had to live out of his car before we made it. Wait, that's not us, that's Nirvana. Sometimes I get my fantasies confused with the accomplishments of others. No biggie. My mamma loves me just the same.

The real reason for this post is just to say that we're now a week away from our show, and I couldn't be more excited to get back on a stage with these goofy bastards and lay it all out there for an audience. I mean it. I love playing, and I will play with pretty much anyone that asks, but I never, ever get the feeling of satisfaction I get after one of these shows. All of us pouring our all of our energy into the music and letting it fly free into the cosmos. it's just out there, for everyone. And the government can't touch it man! Cause it's ours, you know? You can't just run around with your "labels" and "rules" just to try and contain us with your mind nets. But how can you contain something that powerful? Tubes? Hah, nice try Mr. Scientist. Not this time. Not this time, indeed.

Back in January, I was so looking forward to having 8 Friday nights knowing that I'd be creatively satisfied, and then be able to hang out with each other, at least until Simpkins leaves. Bastard. And I was truly crushed when the Zipper closed. Although, of all ways to have a show get pulled, that's probably the best way to go. It still blew dead bears though, straight up...you know, because of rigor mortise. Typing really ruins a good boner joke. Make sure you read that with the proper beats. I'll come off as less creepy, but still a little disturbed. Healthy goals.

I think that's enough faking some form of mental instability for the sake of comedy with the result of possibly alienating half the people that read this.

So spread the love, kiddies. Go buy some used records, and then go buy some tickets for our show. Or at least the new Wilco dvd. Pretty sweet stuff. But still come a show of ours or two. And bring your friends. And then bring them to Dalton's. Eat some wings. Then go home and get it on, a real nice and slow cordial screw. No excuse to be unprofessional. Thank your partner afterward. Politeness is always appreciated. Then go to sleep without saying another word. Yes, sleep....sleeeep. Shhh, sleep.

That reminds me, I just watched Synecdoche, New York. I've never been more confused in my life! Like, I understood and made sense of what was going on, but then my brain would go "Wait, what the hell is going on?" Also, someone onced asked me if I was Philip Seymor Hoffman's brother. I'm not kidding. What an idiot. I'm way paler than that guy.


Ok folks, it's taco time.

Blood and Pheromones,
brent

thinking of you from sunny florida

Oh, Things to Ruin. I've known you since September of 2006 (though I've heard about you since way before that and was jealous and upset that I could not be with you right away), and we have had Such Amazing Times together.

I'm not going to lie, it was hard in January when you suddenly abandoned me. I know: "It wasn't my fault," you said. "It's the Zipper Theater." And I know in my heart that's true. (And how can I ever be mad at you when you look at me with those blood-shot puppydog eyes?)  But, nevertheless, it was tough.  I don't think you fully understand the power you have.  (And also you still had my black t-shirt, but I felt too awkward trying to contact you to get it back.)   

But you're back.  I was unpacking my groceries in my apartment, and suddenly two hands were covering my eyes, and a voice said, "Guess who?!" kinda crazy-like, and I couldn't see my groceries any more, but it was okay because I had a feeling it was Someone Good and not a Scary Robber.  And I was right.  It was you, Things to Ruin.  And I was so glad to see you. 

You helped me unpack my groceries and together we decided on a new spot to keep the cereal, and then we talked.  Just talked and talked for hours and hours.  

You are such an incredible show.  You move so many people, in all of your many incarnations.

But this incarnation I think will be the best of all.  You've had so many adventures and mis-adventures, and trials and tribulations, and you've learned so much through it all. 

Stephen Holden of the New York Times loves you so much.  But people will love you even more than he does.  And I will love you even more than they do.

Welcome back, Thingsy. 

Blood and Pheromones,

Lance

Laugh and Drink and Smile!

Holy Smokes you guys! What a week it has been here at the Things to Ruin house.
We got a pot of fresh shows cookin' on the stove, some amazing producers sleepin' in the guest room, and a shiny new car called 2econd Stage sittin' in the garage. We even got new cute little twitter runnin' around the house.

But that's how we like it here at T2R. One big happy family.

And it is with great excitement that we share our special news with you all. After an exhaustive search for a new home, Things to Ruin has once again found a place to rock n roll!
As promised, we are returning in a big way baby!

Here's the story as it was passed on to us.

Our amazing producers Sara Katz and Sh-K-Boom Records were out on a picnic with their good friend 2econd Stage, when over a PB+J and a juice box, 2econd Stage said,

"Hey guys, why the long faces? You know I don't like to see you when you are wearing frowns"

"Well," Sara said, "All these theaters are begging for us to bring Things to Ruin to them, but none of 'em feel right."

"That's the honest truth," Sh-K-Boom Records agreed, "We just know we'll feel in our guts when we find the right place. But until we do, Joe Iconis and all his friends over at Things to Ruin don't have a home."

Well, 2econd Stage, being as kind and open-hearted as their reputation suggests, put down the PB + J and outstretched their big arms.

"All those good T2R folks without a home? Not while I'm around!" 2econd Stage proclaimed. "Won't you come stay with us for a spell?"

Well Sara Katz and Sh-K-Boom Records didn't even need to speak. They felt it in their guts. This was right.

Hugs and hand shakes abounded.

And the rest is the stuff of tall tales and heros. You are just gonna have to see it to believe it.

And we here at the T2R house shed a tear of rock n roll joy. Cuz we could finally tell you about how our little show will go on. And most important of all, we will be able to share smiles and drinks and beautiful music with you all again. We are so excited in fact, we had Joe and SweetTooth record a lil' somethin' for ya.

Tickets are on sale and already going at a clip, so get some right now darlin'!!! Your internet wack? Don't you worry your pretty lil' head. Put your finger in the hole on the rotary phone and dial this number (212) 246-4422. They'll take you through the whole process. Easy as lemon pie.

And when you're laying in your bed, or sittin' in the office or just lookin' for some T2R news, we got lots of good ole fashioned fun you can sing your teeth into.

mrjoeiconis.com is always a good place to start.
We got thingstoruin.com up and runnin'.
We got us a spanky facebook invite and even that cute little twitter runnin' around.

How ever you like it, Things to Ruin will give it to ya.

Come see us, we miss you like crazy baby.

Blood and Pheremones,
The T2R Family

Take a Breath Girl and Dry Your Eyes

We here at T2R sure have been missing you all somethin' terrible these days.

After that unfortunate turn of events over at the Zipper Factory, we have been workin' our paws off to find just the right spot to bring our little show back to the world, because every day that goes by without a show is a day we cant sing you a spell or pass you a bottle. We happen to love doing both. We know, we know... we keep teasing you with when and where Things To Ruin might make its triumphant return. But rest assured babies, there is a new light on the horizon and some good news is close at hand. Just you wait, this one is gonna knock your socks off.

Check back soon and until you hear from us again, be good and keep them washboard nickels shined and your tambo ticklers limber.

Blood and Pheromones
Jason "SweetTooth" Williams

Who The Hell Are These People?! (Nick, Joe, and Alix)

So, this is a new feature on the T2R Blog where we get to know members of the family a little bit better. Each day or two we'll post a couple of these and by the end, you're gonna know everyone so well, you'll never have to think twice about what to get us as a Christmas gift ever again. You'll just know.

NICK BLAEMIRE
Actor

Which Things To Ruin Song is your Favorite?

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii dont wanna decide, but if i have to, "sonofagun" or "never heard nothin" are pretty splendid.

If you were in the band, which instrument would you play (or want to play)?

id want to be as loud and dextrous as brent stranathan. but as solid and stolid as ian kagey. but as classy and dynamic as mike pettry. except as brazen and vivacious as joe. is that good?

If you were an actor in the show, which one would you want to be?

i wanna be badia so i can be the karate kid during "never heard nothin."

Do you have a pre-show ritual? What do you do to prepare?

i do actually, ive been listening to that song "effington" by ben folds before every show and i love it. i also spit a whole lot of phlegm into the trash can right next to katrina. i think she thinks its for her but its really for the trash can.

What is your favorite image on the platform?

the sex.

Is that actually a real whiskey shot you do on stage?

one of them is. im only a half pussy. i feel that if i had too all the jumping around i do would end me directly in the lap of the ugliest audience member in the theatre.

When was the first time you were ever on stage?

i was the narrator of "the homework machine" at bethesda academy for performing arts when i was 3. i was sick.

What's the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you on stage?

one time i punched myself in the nose during a dance number when i was wearing white. thats like a facial period.

What's your favorite ride at Disneyworld?

the tower of terror allows me to know what my stomach tastes like.

What's your favorite curse?

fuckballshittit.

Favorite fictional character?

matt hinkley's mom.

Ever know somebody who was in porn? Have you ever been in a porn?

matt hinkley's mom. yes. with matt hinkley's mom.

What is one thing that you really want everyone to know right now?!

that i fucked matt hinkley's mom. oh, and that THINGS TO RUIN is unstoppable.

ALIX CLAPS
Stage Manager

Which Things To Ruin Song is your favorite?

Tie: "Mamma, Cut Me Deeper" and "Never Heard Nothin' Like This Shit Here"

If you were in the band, which instrument would you play (or want to play)?

Bass. I don't actually know how to play the bass, but I want to.

If you were an actor in the show, which one would you want to be?

Hard to choose. Jason. His track looks like a lot of fun.

Do you have a pre-show ritual? What do you do to prepare?

I pour all the whiskey shots. I do it in private so I can drink a few myself.

What is your favorite image on the platform?

That purple leotard lady. I'm not sure whether I'm more amused by the leotard or the headband.

Is that actually a real whiskey shot you do on stage?

I gotta start bringing one into the booth with me....

When was the first time you were ever on stage?

In third grade, I was cast in our class play about slavery. I played the mother as part of an escaping slave family. Clearly I went to elementary school in the whitest town ever.

What's the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you on stage?

I've had some embarrassing headset moments, does that count?

What's your favorite ride at Disneyworld?

I'm a dork. I liked Epcot best.

What's your favorite curse?

Motherfucker!

Favorite fictional character?

Miranda from THE TEMPEST

Ever know somebody who was in porn? Have you ever been in a porn?

Not exactly, but as it turns out, I have a friend whose brother invented a new model of vibrator. If anyone is interested in buying, I can get you the website. (How does one explain that to one's parents, anyway?)

What is one thing that you really want everyone to know right now?!

Fuck yeah, Musical Theatre Enthusiasts! Even if we're performing on subway platforms, we'll be up and running again soon! So stay tuned. Because on Friday nights we've got THINGS TO RUIN!

JOE ICONIS
Writer/Piano Player/Sometimes Performer

Which T2R song is your Favorite?

Well, of all the tunes I wrote for the show, my personal favorite is probably the closer “Never Heard Nothing.” I think its messy and its too long and its one of those songs that was Very hard to write and when I finished I just kind of looked at it and it was like: “Oh. This is EXACTLY what I wanted this song to be.” I also like Mamma Cut. Incidentally, there are two songs of mine in the show that I hate. They are performed really well and directed beautifully and I hate them.

If you were in the cast, which part would you play (or want to play)?

Well, I’m in the cast, but I’m sort of in it in a weird way. I straddle the line between band dude and cast member. If I was just straight up in the cast, I'd wanna be the Jason track cuz of Dodge Ball. If I was a girl I'd wanna be the Badia track cuz of Everybody's At The Bar. I think the track I could do the most successfully would be the Lance track.

Do you have a pre-show ritual? What do you do to prepare?

I have a drink. And then I go stand in a specific spot in the lobby and drink some more. Then I hug as many people as I can and then I go backstage with Nick and Eric and jump up and down and talk about pornography. Katrina listens and is a good sport about the whole thing.

What is your favorite image on the platform?

I have a couple. There's some really nice hardcore lesbian action, an awesome pic of Dolly Parton, and a skull and cross bones Halloween card that my parents sent me.

Is that actually a real whiskey shot you do on stage?

Oh my goodness, yes. I also have a jack and coke that I'm supposed to drink but I never seem to get around to doing it.

When was the first time you were ever on stage?

In a kindergarten play about the alphabet. I was the letter "E."

What's the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you on stage?

I shat myself. That's a lie.

What's your favorite ride at Disneyworld?

Splash Mountain, ride. Carousel of Progress, show.

What's your favorite curse?

Pigfucker, favorite. Motherfucker, most used.

Favorite fictional character?

Rupert Pupkin.

Ever know somebody who was in porn? Have you ever been in a porn?

None of your business. I've never been in a porn, but porn plays a huge part in my life. If I didn't spend as much time as I do watching porn I'd get alot more done. But, also, I guess if I didn't watch as much, I wouldn't write songs about it. It all evens out.

What is one thing that you really want everyone to know right now?!

When I look at pictures of the cast and creatives of T2R, I can't help but smile huge. Also, there are three different types of pickles in my fridge right now. Also, I can't wait for Things To Ruin to start causing trouble in its brand new home. That was three things. Fuck you, rules.

That's all for now. More soon, guys!

Stay cold.

Blood and Pheromones,
Joe

They can take away our home, but they can't take away our Rock and Roll.

Everything was going so well.

We had our first THINGS TO RUIN. It was packed. We were on fire. Everything felt electric and wonderful and perfect.

And then the Zipper factory unexpectedly closed.

The hell? The hell.

Us at THINGS TO RUIN have gone through quite a lot these past couple of days. Shock. Horror. Depression. Anger. Public Drunkenness.

At any rate, we're through with all of that. We've dusted ourselves off and put on our fighting shoes. Within the next few days we should be ready to give you an official announcement about where THINGS TO RUIN is going to continue its scheduled run, but in the meantime, lets take a gander at some pics from the Pep Rally we had on Friday night!

Jason "SweetTooth" Williams, Joe Iconis, Brent Stranathan
Have you ever seen a trio of nicer All-American young men?


Jeremy Morse
Fuzzy in every way, this dude starred in the National Tour of "The Plant That Ate Dirty Socks."


Eric William Morris, Katrina Dideriksen
So much love in this cast.


Matt Hinkley, Ian Kagey, Joe Iconis
Bass players are always lurking in the damnedest of places.


Theresa Flanagan, Ryann Ferguson
T2R fans and Ladies of the Theater


Jason "SweetTooth" Williams, Benson
Benson is SweetTooth's oldest friend in the whole world!


Bill Coyne, Joe Iconis
Bill also starred in the National Tour of "Plant..." Talented eyebrows.


Stephanie Cowan
A member of the extended family, Stephanie is also a genuine mover and shaker in the theater world. Cool!


Joe Iconis, Katrina Rose Dideriksen
We look like siblings in this picture.


John Simpkins
Our fearless director. Normally, he doesn't look as vaguely simian as he does here.


Jason "SweetTooth" Williams
The eyes say it all: "Don't fuck with T2R... because we'll fuck you right back."

See you soon.

Blood and Pheromones,
Joe

Unzipped.

It's that time, guys-- Things to Ruin is reopening at the zipper factory tonight! We're getting geared up for a long day ahead of us, full of photo shoots, teching and sound checks... in other words, we're gonna need those drinks on stage.. 

It has been a long month without my fellow T2R-ers by my side, but I am so ready to hit that stage. We had a fierce glueing party on Wednesday. Now that we've been reviewed by  the Times, we decided our bitchin' set should be brought up to our high standards. Other than still peeling elmers off of my body, the party went well! I'm so excited about our new platform (that I hope won't collapse under me) and the little changes we've been making to clean up our already rockin' show. 

Although this hasn't been announced, I have decided that if someone makes it to all of our performances (starting tonight and ending Feb. 27th), I will personally either buy you shots or make out with you. Or maybe both. So hopefully, I'll see you tonight at the Zipper!

blood and pheromones, 

Katrina ("pipes") Dideriksen